Juuuuust great

People, I am so tired today. I mean, that really shouldn’t be surprising to hear from someone diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but DAMMIT I’M TIRED. I hate being tired. Can you see how that might be a problem for me?

Remember how in my last post I mentioned I finally got out of a week long funk? And I was so happy I could do stuff again? Yeah, about that… I got a Very Important Letter yesterday, with Bad News. And now I’m tired again. Don’t worry, it’s not like ‘you’re dying’ kind of news, just ‘your future just became a hell of a lot less certain’ kind of news. And that is just…great. Juuuuust great. Just what I needed.

On the bright side, I think I might’ve found a pattern that could work for my Plan of making a fancy dress to go to my first ever wedding in. Unfortunately, I can’t work on it right now, because besides being tired (I mean doubleplus tired along with the CFS (yay 1984 reference!)) my neck and shoulders have been on strike since sunday. I can’t look down for more than 10 minutes without having to lay down for an hour. Which is juuuuust great.

Also, and after this I promise to stop bitching, but Civilization V worked juuuuust long enough for me to get addicted to it, and now it keeps crashing. I googled it, tried all the recommendations, it worked juuuuust long enough to lull my suspicions, and then CRASH. I really need my fix, but nothing I do works now… *epic pout*

I guess I’ll just (juuuuust!) go watch Netflix or something. Fingers crossed I won’t manage to break it.

Update: I managed to get my laptop stuck in an infinite reboot loop. I should’ve knocked on wood there…

One of those days

It has been one of those days today. You know, the kind of day where you discover at 6 pm you’ve been wearing your shirt inside out all day long. The kind of day where you have to let a doctor poke you where it hurts, not for healing purposes, but insurance reasons. The kind of day where 30% of your (admittedly tiny) house ends up covered in flour just because you used 3 tablespoons of flour in something and it’s just that kind of day. Sigh.

Oddly enough, I feel better than last week. Last week, I felt like everything was useless and stupid and blegh, even though nothing was happening. This week, I feel kind of ok, even though useless and stupid and blegh things are happening. I’m pretty sure that difference is kind of the textbook definition of depression. I’m not trying to exaggerate, like ‘OMG I felt soooo depressed when she was voted off the island!’, I’m just saying after 7 years of therapy, 2 different antidepressants and a handful of diagnoses, that’s one of the best definitions of depression I have: when things aren’t blegh, but feel ridiculously blegh, especially when it’s long periods of time; that’s probably depression. I know, we’re getting real scientific there…

I’m glad I managed to, well, I don’t like it when people say ‘snap out of it’, but get out of that pothole, I guess. I’ve only just recovered from my 5 weeks of wisdom tooth surgery related fatigue, I’d hate to come down with something else. I finally want to get something done, for Thors sake! I really have quite a lot to do.

I’m going to my first wedding ever in about 6 weeks now, and I do not have a dress yet. Furthermore, I shall not buy such a dress, I shall make it. This is my Plan. Unfortunately, I kind of lack experience when it comes to sewing non-knits, and I don’t think I can get away with a jersey knit at a wedding… Also facings. And zippers. Not good at those. Aside from any overly ambitious sewing projects, I’m also still figuring out a lot of sugar free recipes, and baking sourdough bread every other day for me and the boyfriend. Yeah, I’m going to need a miracle. Wish me luck!

1 month sugar free

So, if you’ve read the title, or my Instagram (yes, I know, Instagram isn’t for reading, it’s for mindless scrolling, excuse me for trying to tell you about my life), you might know I’ve been sugar free for about a month now. I think. Hang on. *scrolls vigorously* Yep, 1 month, 3 days! Time to review.

To clarify: when I say I’ve gone sugar free, I mean I don’t eat added sugar (if it’s more than 2% of the product). So I can still eat fruit, yay! It basically means I can’t eat store bought soups and smoothies and sauces, and other things that start with ‘s’, but I can make my own and eat that. We clear? Ok cool.

First of all: the detox is definitely a thing! 2 weeks of intense craving and snapping at your poor boyfriend…unfortunately this is definitely a thing. BUT THEN. Oh man. I eat like, dried apricots now. For candy. FOR REALS. AND I ENJOY THEM. I have to say though: I miss chocolate. I got me some sugar free chocolate from Céréal, but that shit is at least 3 times more expensive than normal, so I have to pace myself. I do not appreciate having to pace myself when it comes to chocolate. I’m still trying to cook up some kind of alternative, literally, by making ganache with cacao and Stevia, but so far it’s kinda meh.

I don’t really miss anything besides chocolate. Mostly what I miss is the convenience of things, not the things themselves. I made this decision pretty unprepared, so right away the next morning I had this question of ‘what the hell am I going to put on my bread?!’. Cheese, apparently. That was literally my only option out of the whole kitchen. Time for some change! I learned how to make peanut butter the very next day!

Now, I’ll post about the recipes I’ve learned, but I think I prefer them to be their own post. Am I the only one who gets super annoyed when they’re looking for a recipe and they have to scroll through someones entire life story interspersed with 45 extremely similar pictures of the dish you JUST WANT THE DAMN RECIPE FOR STOP YAPPING ALREADY?

A month on, I’m pretty positive on this change. I’m eating a lot more fruit, which is always a good thing. I haven’t lost weight, surprisingly, but that’s more of an added bonus for me anyway. I do find it a lot easier to manage my eating, which is kind of what I was going for. By this I mean that, without the sugar cravings all day, I’m eating less impulsively, and I get less cranky when I don’t get my fix immediately. So overall I’d say this was a very good decision!

First Post

Hello there readers! I’m starting a blog! (really? I wouldn’t have guessed!)

Since my Instagram is kind of like a blog right now, and that’s not really what Instagram was meant to do, I thought it was about time for me to start an ACTUAL blog. Don’t worry, my grumpy face won’t disappear from Instagram anytime soon!

Love, J